Six days ago, I turned 33. Yet, it seemed like yesterday when I turned 32. Time flew a lot faster since the pandemic hits, and my brain seems to have been stuck in June- September of 2020. The reality only sink-in when I started getting messages of greetings and wishes for my 33rd birthday!
A lot happened last year. I had to make one of the most significant decisions in my life as soon as I welcomed 2020 – that wasn’t easy. While it still pains me today, I had to decide and convinced myself that it was all for the better though it might not look like it for other people. I had to accept the contempt, hatred and everything was my fault. It was painful because I felt taken for granted on the highest level (if levels even exist).
Then the pandemic hits. Everyone was panicking. News of people dying all over the world flooded every internet site and social media I go to. Countries are closing their borders, stores running out of toilet papers, can goods, meat, and everything you can stock upon. It was getting scary. My anxiety kicked in, and it was happening quite often. My depression was waiving. I started shutting down. Then My husband started working from home in April (2020). It was a big change for me. For the first time, I got to experience the feeling of having a colleague from 7:00 am – 5:00 pm. While it helped to calm me down, I realized I cannot get any work done if I have a colleague to chit-chat with while working. Oh! I work (volunteer) from home, and my usual colleagues are my cats.
If the pandemic wasn’t depressing and stressful enough, my husband told me he was one of the employees that XYZ would lay off. I was shocked, but at the same time, I was calm. It was surprising how calm I was. I did not get anxious nor panic. Probably because my husband has been very calm as he broke the news to me. Well, after the shock, I felt relief and uttered, “Thank God, I’m not pregnant.” You see, we’ve been trying to get pregnant. Just imagine if I was pregnant in the middle of the pandemic and my husband lost his job (that’s also a bye-bye to our medical insurance). The reality of my husband losing his job had not registered to me until the following day. We started discussing our financials. While he can always look for a job, it will never be easy because of COVID-19. We were confident that we would be ok until the end of the year between our savings and investments. But we still talked about what we will do next.
Two days after my husband was notified of getting laid-off by company XYZ, he applied to company ABC. Surprisingly, ABC’s HR called him the following day to schedule an interview -which happened the next day; and the rest was history. As soon as he signed off from Company XYZ, he started working with ABC.
As my husband and I continued working from home, there were times when the work was just slow. So we spent some time looking for houses. We wanted to move out of our townhouse since we got married, but we never pursued it for some reason. So that time, you can say, we’ve been looking for houses out of boredom. But then things began turning on a serious route. Despite the pandemic, we went to see open houses and met with agents.
I will leave my frustrations about house hunting to my next post because it’s a whole different drama if nothing else.
Long story short, a day after I turned 32 last year, we closed on our “forever home.” I also got my US citizenship 7 days later. Until now, I cannot explain how I felt about everything that happened last year. 2020 was seriously painful, depressing, stressful but also full of surprises and never-ending grace and blessings. Maybe that’s why I was still stuck in 2020 because everything felt like a dream.
A dream where I want to wake up, so Covid-19 was just a dream; and a dream where I want to stay asleep because I’m scared every good thing that happened will disappear if I wake up. I don’t know. I feel conflicted somehow.
And oh! We adopted a beautiful blue-eyed kitty in July (2020). We named her Tofu, and her story was also a dramatic one. She’s so cute.